The Naughty Nasty Side of Social Media.

It's been too long I haven't write about something without twirling the meaning of it. Well, this time is because I'm tired of things that happen in unreal world affect the act of people in real world.

I'm talking about what 32% of Indonesia population are consuming. Social media.

I'm not going to give any lecturer on what is social media, which one is the strongest, and how to use it like I normally do on daily basis.
I just want to share my thought on how it's really affecting the mental health of it's user.

Let's start with how weird it is when we found out that our parents started creating their profile on one of the social media platform. Our initial thought must be: damn, what are they doing? Now they can see all my activities (sometimes nudities). Ya, aside from we feel that our 'personal' space is disturbed by their presence there, we never really thought on what social media can affect them and twisting the way they think.

We never thought on how a parent that's on social media and consume all content in it can influence a 12 year old kid to bitching and swearing about Jakarta's previous governor just because he's not part of the majority. Do you think the kid can have that kind of mindset themselves?

We never thought on how one post can make thousands of people gathered at the center of Jakarta, starting with praying together (which now I'm not really sure what was that all about), and ended up with some sort of anarchy. And not to mention, questioning on the capability of the president. See why I'm not sure about what was that all about?

We never thought that a platform that supposed to connect people with people, connect people with the news from all over the world, can bring so much hatred and chaotic.

Fans attacking the enemy of their favorite celebrity with an awful hurtful comment. Friends made memes about the other friends and share it is social media for fun - to what they don't know, the person that they made fun about are crying behind the closet feeling embarrassed.

I, personally, never thought that I'm, sometimes, scared of reading or even opening social media these days, just because I'm scared that whatever I will see will make me vulnerable. Live suicide, attacking people's believe, even attacking our own friend because they not share the same value or believe with us.

Now, we're going to get a little more personal.

I once dated a guy who can't let his phone down even when we had a date or when we cuddled. And that's very disturbing. I sometimes feel the unreal world is more important than me, a real person that sit in front of him or sleep beside him. I understand that it might not be his intention to made me feel so, but still. He made the impression that what was happening out there that captured in his phone are more interesting than my existence.
The next thing I know is we were arguing about that and things never going to be the same because I already griped that on my mind.

Or how when we broke up, for the first few months I'm scared on opening my social media page, because I'm afraid that I will see something that will makes me hurt. It's developed insecurity and anxiety on my mind. That somehow leads to trouble sleeping. And with trouble sleeping, it was affecting my physique health and my work performance.

The unhealthy result that begins from unhealthy mind.

Whatever the reason are, I don't know if it's just me, but somehow I think social media has damaging our mental health. Hatred, hurtful words, insecurity and anxiety, and a lot of other mental illness that's not healthy for the balance of one's sanity.

I wonder if we can go back to internet era around 2007 (I know we can't), where all social media activities are just sharing photos and updating status. Not spreading hatred, masking personality, and try to impress other people/group.
Where discussion, laughter, shouts, and love are based on real world. On what's served on the table.

I know that this is just the bad side of social media, but it's started to worry me. Now, starting with myself, I will clean up my social media and cut off people/account that will cause risk on my mental health. Share things that (hopefully) can put a smile on others who see it. It's just a start - I know I can't change the world, but at least people around me would't have additional hypocrite on their digital life.

And hopefully I can start to heal my disappointment on social media these days. Which I hope that you can too.

That feeling

When you hug someone and smell them, deeply, after not seeing that person in a while. 

You just so happy that you can smell that familiar scent again. You will find your muscle relaxing all off sudden. You will feel home again.

When you got a phone call from your bestfriend. And hearing them say that they still have the same faith in you. Like they always have.

You can't be more secure knowing you always have someone who unexpectedly knows you that well.

When you see the face of your special person when they're sleeping beside you.  That butterflies in your stomach kind of feeling. Then you'll secretly smile looking at that view.

And.. When someone can make your heart works again. For any reason.

The spacey space that you need

I used to never understand whenever people says: I need sometime alone.

I always thought, why do people need to be alone? For me, if I can, I want to be surrounded by people that I love everytime. Every single time. Whether it's a good time or bad time.

Then something happened, and to be honest, all I want to do is to be alone. Not talking to anyone and not seeing anyone. I just want to be in a place that no one knows me. I want to be strangers. So I don't have to answer any question that's come. I don't have an obligation to served them with words. I just needed my space.

Yes, I need my space right now. A super spacey space. I need to not hear anything or say anything. I just want to think and cry as much as I want. Scream as loud as I want. I need to be away. From everything. For sometime.

The funny thing is, I start to understand myself completely. What I have to do to heal myself. And right now, aside from the spacey space, I just want to run as far as possible.

a gift.

apa yang terlintas di otak lo pas akan melewati momen bahagia bareng pacar? hadiah yang bagus atau cukup dengan sebuah kecupan manis di kening? mungkin semua orang bakal jawab: "cukup dengan sebuah kecupan di kening dari pacarku". tapiiiiii gatu kan kalo di dalem hatinya nambahin: "ditambah dengan sepasang sepatu yang sedang aku inginkan". hahah ya itulah kita, manusia. tidak akan pernah puas akan sesuatu.

gw mau crita sedikit tentang sodara gw. dia sedang dalam proses untuk membuat sesuatu yang akhirnya nanti mau dikasih ke pacarnya. mereka udah jalan 3 tahun lebih pacaran. pacarnya orang yang sangat menyenangkan, family man, sangat ramah sama smua keluarga gw, dan yang pasti sangat sayang sama sodara gw. gw sih suka sama dia yang seperti itu, the way he treat my fam and my cousin. dan untungnya, smua keluarga besar gw juga suka sama dia. they look perfect together. but ya know, tidak ada yang sempurna di dunia ini. begitu juga mungkin hubungan mereka.

hubungan mereka udah jalan sekitar 3 tahun 6 bulan. dan rencananya untuk merayakan momen itu, sodara gw mau ngasih sebuah video buat pacaranya. dia minta tolong sama gw dan minta gw nanya ke temen-temen gw apa ada yang bisa bantuin bikin video. ternyata ada satu temen gw yang bisa. akhirnya kita buat kesepakatan dan mulai untuk ngerjain video ini. bikin video ini nggak susah, kecuali bagian nyari konsep pas awlnya. cuma nyari temen-temennya sodara gw yang berhubungan sama perjalanan pacaran sodara gw, dan mereka cerita tentang hal bego yang mereka inget selama sepupu gw dan pacarnya jadian. dari mulai awal kenalan, berantem-berantemnya, sampe akhirnya mereka bisa ngejalanin 3,5 tahun bareng. dan gak lupa, wish dari temen-temen mereka buat hubungan sodara gw dan pacarnya untuk kedepannya.

selama hampir 2 minggu, gw, sodara gw, dan temen gw bolak-balik kesana kemari buat ngambil gambar orang-orang. kalo diinget-inget ya cape juga sih. pas akhirnya semua crita dari temen-temennya kekumpul, baru proses editing dimulai. untuk bagian yang satu ini, gw acungkan 4 jempol gw buat age. dari yang awalnya gak ngerti tentang editing film sama sekali (karena rencana awalnya editingnya mau dikerjain sama temennya), sampe akhirnya (mau gak mau) belajar, sampe akhirnya bisa, dan hasilnya ok! hihihi gw ngikutin dari awal proses ngambil gambar, sampe bolak-balik rumah edith buat ngedit video itu. gw juga tau setengah mati usahanya age buat bikin video itu jadi sebagus mungkin, great job ge! :)

akhirnya video itu jadi. gw udah nonton smuanya, berulang-ulang. hehe awalnya mungkin masih biasa aja di mata gw, karena itu emang awal dari kenalannya mereka. tapi udah masuk bagian akhir, wish dari temen-temennya, merinding gw cooong! hahaha bukannya apa-apa, entah kenapa gw selalu sangat senang kalo masih bisa ngeliat orang dikasih kesempatan untuk menyayangi orang lain. gw jadi tau gimana usaha sodara gw buat mempertahankan hubungannya sama pacarnya, masalah-masalah yang mereka hadapin, dan kesabaran sodara gw menghadapi sifat pacarnya. dan menurut gw dia hebat! sebenernya gw tau apa masalah yang paling crucial dalam hubungan mereka, mudah-mudahan aja semuanya bisa mereka lewatin dengan baik.

mudah-mudahan pacarnya seneng dengan gift dari sodara gw ini. mungkin jangan diliat dari hasil akhirnya, tapi keseluruhan pembuatannya juga harus diperhitungkan. ngehubungin temen-temennya dan bikin janji, mikirin konsep sama age, sampe bolak-baliknya dia supaya video ini bisa jadi sempurna, paling nggak dimata pacarnya. oiya, ada satu hari dimana gw sama age ngambil gambar sodara gw itu sendiri, gw bantuin sodara gw bikin scriptnya, dan akhirnya proses pengambilan gambar dimulai. pas dia lagi ngomong tentang wish dia untuk hubungannya sama pacarnya, gw beneran ngeliat matanya berkaca-kaca! sumpah, terharu gue. dan gw sama sekali gak ngebayangin gimana kalo akhirnya mereka harus putus for good. aaaaaaa!

gw emang gamau ngomong untuk mreka di video itu, tapi gw juga punya wish loh buat mereka. hihihi.

mba mitha dan reza, semoga semuanya berjalan baik-baik aja ya.. apapun yang akan terjadi nantinya, semuanya itu berarti yang terbaik buat kalian. dan kalo yang terburuk juga bakal terjadi, semoga gak akan ngilangin hubungan baik kalian berdua. semoga kalian awet yaa!